Will Someone Please Get Carl Bernstein a Paper Bag and Some Thorazine...

...because he's hyperventilating and fooking insane in this maniacal screed in Vanity Fair. If you want to know what the Left intends to destroy Dubya, the Stupid Party and America with, you'll want to skim through this cesspool of begged arguments and selective memories.

Bernstein was a nobody until he and Bob Woodward took down Nixon and shared joint custody of his mounted head. (This pass it back and forth to hang in their respective dens on a monthly basis.) "All The President's Men" is what motivates much of the media to fabricate fake documents and coordinate stories intended to destroy Republicans so that they too will become cultural icons, perhaps played in the movie by Brad Pitt or Susan Sarandon.

Bernstein lists the talking points of the insane, unhinged, moonbat Left as if they're indisputable facts - Dubya lied us into war; Dubya spies on Americans; Dubya made that guy reach in for the foul ball that ruined the Cubs chances for a World Series shot - and demands, neigh, DARES, the Republicans to sacrifice Dubya and the War on Islamofascism on the altar of their timid political careerism.

Throughout the piece, pay careful attention to how he accuses the Stupid Party as being in "lockstep" (gotta get that Nazi imagery in) and damning Team Dubya for claiming executive privilege when trying to prevent (futilely, it seems) national intelligence secrets from being splashed across the pages of the treasonous media. He apparently has forgotten the pep rally the Dems threw Clinton when he was impeached for his tawdry felonies - he never did face justice for his traitorous sales of weapons tech to China; better known as a horndog than the rat who allowed the Left Coast to be nuked for a few bucks, right? - and how he abused executive privilege. He also employs the persecuted media strawman to excuse the treasons of the press as illusions a criminal President has conjured up.

Hypocrisy is the coin of the liberal realm and Bernstein is thus a gazillionaire. Displaying the trademark liberal lack of curiosity about reality, lest facts interfere with the agenda - a charge the Left routinely projects upon Dubya - he starts with the idea that everything Dubya does is a lie and that only his impeachment or crippling censure will begin to settle the score. He offers up the foreign policy "cabal" smear which insists that it's wrong for a President, Vice President and the Secretarys of State and Defense to make the decisions about policy if the anti-American bureaucrats don't agree. And for good measure, he tosses Hurricane Katrina on the pile because we all know that the local - read: Democratic - mayor and governor must not be held accountable for their failures if the Whipping Boy Prez can get shellaced some more.

It's not until the 4th-from-last graf that Bernstein finally mentions something that is legitimately a serious knock on Dubya - he utter failure (along with the Stupid Party) to uphold any semblance of conservative fiscal policy - but even this is double-speak because a lifelong radical like Bernstein isn't concerned that Dubya isn't conservative enough, but that he realized that he needed to include something that conservative (or simply not insane) readers can't knock down as purely delusional.

So, grab a barf bag and go read this tract, not because it's laden with truth, but because these are the battle plans for the final assault on Dubya, the War and America and they will be reported as unchallengable Truth by every network and media outlet that doesn't have "FNC" as its initials. As the jihad continues, you'll be merely bored instead of surprised as they launch salvo after salvo of this garbage. Make no mistake, this isn't about holding Dubya accountable, it's about regaining power for the fascist Left - if you think there's no freedom now, wait until you get a load of the Stalinist-tested-and-approved iron-fisted rule the Left will impose - for the children, you know?

Here's a thought experiment: Imagine if Bernstein & Company get their impeachment of Dubya and seize control of the government as they consider their birthright - what then? What will they do with it? I mean other than cut and run from Iraq and all other fronts, raise taxes, socialize medicine, open the borders and grant full voting rights to illegal aliens in order to permanently allow the invaders the ability to vote away the wealth and rights of the citizens (or more accurately, SUBJECTS), blah-blah-woof-woof. What exactly is the upside of surrender? Dhimmitude?

Perhaps the most relevant sentence of the entire Bernstein piece is the one he didn't write, which states: Carl Bernstein is a Vanity Fair contributing editor. His biography of Hillary Rodham Clinton will be published by Knopf next year. Get the picture? I knew you would.