What follows are the collected comments about the Oscars I live-blogged on a forum that I won’t mention because it’s already overrun by civilians, much to the displeasure of the insiders there. Enjoy!
Flipping back and forth between E!'s insipid Seacrest guano and Baba Wawa's dull chat does little to hype me up for this evening. Between not giving a rat's ass about most of the nominees - "Little Miss Sunshine" is a contender? I rest my case. - the fact that so many of the awards are foregone conclusions (e.g. 3 of 4 acting awards) and the possibility that this will devolve into an ugly political rally that will make Tim Robbins' and Susan Sarandon's outbursts look polite in comparison really makes the prospects for entertainment bleak.
Fashion Police: Pre-Show Edition:
* Jennifer Hudson's dress is ruined with that Queen of Planet Quatloo top.
* Jodie Foster looks good as does Cate Blanchett and Jessica Biel.
* Anne Hathaway's Valentino gown doesn't show off her awesome rack, so it sucks. Emily Blunt's blue is a nice break from the usual bland whites and neutrals.
* Naomi Watts looks like hell in an awful yellow. Nicole Kidman's red would be OK of she'd remembered to take the box off the gift box.
* The top half of Penelope Cruz's dress is fine, but the bottom half looks like shredded Muppet fur.
* Two words for Abigail Breslin's outfit: Bee Girl. I know she's a kid, but why does she have to dress lame?
* Cameron Diaz looks awful. Anyone wondering why Justin Timbaland is fast and furiously banging Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel only needs to look at this mess.
* Kate Winslett - nice dress, iffy color, WTF is up with her crows feet?!? She's 31-years-old? Hi-def is a killer.
* Cute opener with the nominees. Eddie Murphy just staring was rich. Like Eastwood's modesty. Having the nominees stand up was a nice touch, too.
* What is with Ellen's suit? That's what happens when you don't reserve your tux early.
* Decent monologue, but when the gospel choir came out, it makes those warnings that this looks to be the longest Oscars ever look depressingly optimistic.
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* Opening with Art Direction is blah. No one cares about this and the tech Oscars up front.
* Maggie Gyllenhaal sure dropped the baby weight, but her dress needed a 2nd strap.
* WTF were the shadow people and the announcers backstage about? Jeez, this is gonna suck.
* The musical number was excellent, but it's far too early in the evening. They should've stuck it in the middle after the audience is snoozing from the sound editing award.
* Another win for Pan's Labyrinth. This should help with the box office take.
* Breslin and Smith's bit was cute without rotting the teeth. Good ad lib from Jaden.
* I hear that they aren't doing the music under the speeches like they did last year.
* I dunno about this front-loading the show with the awards no one cares about.
* Where the f*ck is Jack's hair? I didn't realize at first that the fat blad guy they kept showing was him.
* The thing with the "sound FX choir" was half-cool and half-stupid-as-hell.
* Why didn't they read off the other winner's name for sound editing?
* Four generations of sound mixers in that family? What happens when some kid decides that he wasn't to be a cameraman?
* Rachel Weitz looks nice, but the necklace is too large.
* They should really have longer clips for the acting awards.
* Whoa! Alan Arkin wins over Eddie for the first upset of the night. Spike Lee is already calling Revs. Al and Jesse to organize protest marches. Does this mean that "Little Miss Ain't All That" is going to win Best Pic? Gawd...
* Ellen slips Marty the script to "GoodMamas" right before telling us we'll be getting more interpretive shadow puppets.
* Jeez, could the "Al and Leo Show" be lamer? Bring back the Andy Gibb Memorial Shadow Dancers! I thought Leo was going to offer to blow him right there.
* The ironic thing is that Leo actually lives the green lifestyle that ManBearPig wants us all to live, but doesn't bother actually living himself. While Leo drives a hybrid car and flies commercial, Veep ManBearPig flies a private jet, collects zinc mining royalties, refuses to put his house on more expensive green power and is a general hypocrite. But, who is really surprised?
* Only thing lamer than lame political grandstanding? Lame recycled jokes. Get it? Feh.
* "Happy Feet" beats "Cars". I panned "Cars" in a review and the reader reaction was something akin to a lynch mob's in violent rhetoric. Well, pfffftttt to you haters!!!
* I like the way they presented the Screenplay clips.
* Idiots!!! The announcer bimbo said that "Infernal Affairs" was a Japanese film instead of the proper
* Where is "Pan's Labyrinth" on the horse race board that the guy from RevCo was holding? More
* I love this AmEx ad with Wes Anderson. "Can I get a .357 with a bayonette?"
* Why is the costume lady scared on the occasion of her third win?
* Captain Xenu comes out to give the Jean Herscholt Award to his fellow Viacom sackee, Sherry Lansing.
* Hermione says, "Note to self - don't get botox so close to the awards show...she can't close her mouth." Speeches like these make humanitarism sound boring.
* Loved Eastwood busting Ellen's chops over the gifts and screenplay. Having Spielberg taking a snapshot: Bonus!! Much better suit, too.
* Wow. I see that Gwyneth is enjoying the benefits of food and being cured of tuberculosis.
* Gee, another Oscar for "Pan's Labyrinth". Too bad it's not up in the Best Picture category and not in the Foreign ghetto. If only it had an Old Hollywood actor directing it instead of some Mexican dude. Self-congratulations about diversity only go so far when the voting results in the same old same old.
* Upset #2! "The Lives of Others" beats "Pan's Labyrinth" for Foreign Language. Wild. Wonder what happened there?
* OK, the "Snakes on a Muthaf*ckin' Plane" shadow puppets was badass.
* It is totally acceptable for men to hate Clooney for being so damned good looking, right?
* And with the Oscar, Jennifer Hudson completes her "F*CK YOU, SIMON!!!" tour. Of course, this means that Taylor Hicks will never be nominated for anything.
* At least the Documentary Short category hasn't been raped over into a fiction-fest like the big doc category.
* Seinfeld killed. "Five depressing movies." Ain't that the truth. No room for "Wordplay" - we gotta bash Bush, religion and spread terror about ManBearPig. Yeesh.
* Nice to see that the rules about who gets to go up onstage can get tossed if the *message* is important enough. People who spent their whole careers actually doing something get 45 seconds before being bum-rushed offstage, but there's time for ManBearPig hysteria. Too bad the science doesn't match up to the fear-mongering and political blather. The fact we're freezing to death and didn't have any hurricanes last year is lost on the pamper poodles of Hollyweird. Time for everyone to take their private jets to
* I see that the Academy has thrown a bone to those obsolete hacks the Bergmans to create a song for the Morricone tribute that reminds why stuff like "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp" wins over their crap these days.
* I was wondering if they'd have some translation for Morricone's speech.
* Boo!!!! They edited the suicidal robot ad!!!
* Cute J.C. Penny's ad.
* J.Ho's dress sucks and makes her look fat.
* They've been subtly clever in the presenter/category matchups, like having Travolta and Latifah
* All the "Dreamgirls" songs cancelled each other out allowing "Love Theme For ManBearPig" to win. Listening to these idiots babbling on about how environmental hysteria isn't a partisan thing is both disingenuous and patronizing; it's totally partisan because only partisans and easily frightened morons are sweating about global warming. I'm hoping the ice will melt before the morning commute, but I'm not blaming ManBearPig because I know that the thing called WINTER is the cause of ice.
* Why do Will Smith's ears look particularly large tonight?
* Those two sentences from "Network" are better than anything from "Little Miss Hype Thing".
* Looking good for "The Departed" as Thelma Schoonmaker picks up for Editing. (Why aren't there more female editors?) Though I won't rule out Marty getting his pity f*ck Oscar - you know that's what it'll be - could that yellow VW bus movie get a split. I hope not.
* Jodie Foster looks great with her dress and earrings matching her eyes.
* Altman wins the People Who Died montage clapoff.
* WTF is Meryl Streep wearing? Isn't that the idol that made Greg Brady wipe out?
* Mirren's speech thanking the real Queen was classy.
* That Forrest Whittiker's vanquished foes gave him a standing O was classy.
* Having Spielberg, Lucas and Coppola present pretty much guaranteed that Marty was gonna win. How embarrassing would it have been if he hadn't won?
* Of the two nominated Best Pic flicks that I saw, "The Departed" was the better one, but it just doesn't feel like a timeless film we'll cherish decades from now like we still enjoy Scorsese's other works.
* Well, the show wraps in 3 hours, 45 minutes, by no means the longest show ever.
* Ellen was OK, but no Steve Martin. Overall grade: B.
* Overall, it was an OK show. A few surprises, but most of it was preordained and blah. No one will remember who won next week, much less next year.
* Now that Marty has his Oscar, who will be the the person inserted into the sentence, "How is it that [some 'undeserving' schlub] has an Oscar, but [new Marty] still hasn't won?"
* While I wanted to see it before, I'm more interested in seeing "Pan's Labyrinth" now. Maybe I'll get out to the movies sometime.
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