A 21st Century "Brady Bunch"

I once theorized what a modern version of The Brady Bunch would be like - not the ironic movies, but a millennial rethinking:

• Marica would be a total whore.
• Greg would be banging Carol because Mike was closeted (just like real life!)
• Peter would be normal, but unexceptional.
• Bobby would be a Ritalin-warehoused emo pussy.
• Cindy would be a mall Goth.
• And Jan? Well, Jan would still have NO ONE!!! She'd still be a total loser living in Marcia's shadow!!! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!